he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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