pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
