Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
