she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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