I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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