people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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