I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
