just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
