last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
