you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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