Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
