Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
