I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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