1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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