theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
