I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
