is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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