she woke up with a sticky ear
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
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I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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