This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
