I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
