My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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