My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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