remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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