Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
