you would pick up someone in the library
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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