every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would fuck him just for his dog
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
