You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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