Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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