Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
