whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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