If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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