I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
