I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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