it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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