I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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