my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
