Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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