I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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