I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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