omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
