So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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