I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
