We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
