i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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