you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
