Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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