those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
