Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize