I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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