It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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