True but thats because hes a fetus.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
