I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we made out on top of his cat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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