Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
