She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
