tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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