he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
