I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize