My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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