you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
