does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So much Jack, so little girl.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
