well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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