If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
