Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
