To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
