fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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