hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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