I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
two words: eviction party
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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