Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
