try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize