Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
